Innuendos and double entendres.

matty_mo @ 2009-01-22T23:34:00

2009-01-23T03:38:04Z

Have I changed? There are some days where I certainly feel like a different person,
But am I any different than I was a week, a month, a year ago?

When I meet people from my past, do I revert back to old me?
Or did I not change at all?

Smoking underneath the railroad bridge.

This.
Is the.
Outcome I would not have expected.

If you miss childhood, raise your hand.

I hate it when you listen to music that moves you so much, and you feel like you're not living up to the visual aspect to correspond with the song. Does that make any sense? Fuck it. Maybe I let it get to me too much. I just feel obligated to take part in something BIG when I'm like this. But it's bedtime for me.

matty_mo @ 2009-01-12T02:33:00

2009-01-12T06:35:40Z

Hello journal. I've missed you. Sort of.
I disappeared for a while. I'm back now, for at least a little while.
I think I'm lonely. I didn't just admit that, though.

Epiphanies of sorts.

2008-07-26T05:40:07Z

I feel like I've changed somewhat.
Maybe not a complete personal overhaul, but something feels significantly different inside of me.
Peculiar.
It's so common for people to say it, but I feel like I'm doing something different.
Or something.
This isn't to say that other people don't go through similar influential transformations in themselves,
but... this just feels... powerful?

The people I've met and spoken with out here, the places I've seen and the things I've done have all had
their hand in sculpting me into... whatever this is.
Strange things are afoot in my personality. Quirks and idiosyncrasies are making their feature debut.

Neat.

matty_mo @ 2008-06-13T18:42:00

2008-06-14T01:42:13Z

I love my job. There are beautiful weirdos left and right.
Almost everyone I've met, I have some sort of bizarre connection with. This city is filled with odd chances.

ALSO/EDIT: I've fallen in love roughly twenty times since I've arrived. This is toxic. And delightful.

In the West

2008-06-03T04:48:03Z

I'm in Vancouver. That's not news, though.
It's been a month, and to say the least, I'm really enjoying myself.
I'd be lying if I said it wasn't difficult, though. Some points of this first month out here have been lonely.
I still know no one.
I just wish I had some sort of self confidence. Enough to at least meet someone without an introduction or a previously established connection. There's no "friend of a friend" out here. I want to make some friends. That would be nice.
On the plus side, I'm now working with a bunch of beautiful hippies. Maybe they could be my friends.

I think I've found my calling

2008-02-10T16:04:37Z

Remember, remember the.... sixth of May?

2008-02-08T03:07:01Z

That's when I'm leaving. I'm moving to Vancouver. I need an adventure, so I'm doing it. I've booked my flights, it's all paid for. I've never been there before, so why not? Why not?
I want to see the other side. It's possible it may be completely the same, though I doubt it. I've got no one there. There's no family, no friends really, and I'm forced to make some new ones. I'm forced to find something/someone to keep me interested, to keep everything busy. I want the summer. I want to feel warm grass, heated by a full eight hours of sun, reach those places between my toes that rarely see the light of day. I want to feel jet lag. I want to see the Pacific. I want to see mountains. I want to find those new, strange hidden places that seem so Cliché that I feel a need to spend time there.
I cannot wait to see what kind of beautiful thing this could result in.

matty_mo @ 2007-12-11T00:35:00

2007-12-11T04:39:04Z

I'm scared to death of you. Every time I see you, I dread it. Every time I think of you, I feel weak. Every time I hear your name, I feel sick. I feel nauseous a lot these days. All thanks to you.

I never thought a pair of eyes could do such strong things to me.

SOMETHING.

2007-11-25T02:34:04Z

It's not regret,
It's not rue or lament,
But some sort of shame that I haven't found this before!

At least I know now.
I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE.
....If only it were a little sooner...

Things have gotten exponentially better.

There's a weird little zit on my face,
It's big, but has no head and now
It's made my whole nose cherry red.

...There's just one more thing I need to do,
One more thing that needs to be said,
And then things will be perfect.

matty_mo @ 2007-11-20T14:32:00

2007-11-20T18:33:26Z

It's one of those days that makes you wonder why you decided to get out of bed.
It's one of those days that makes breathing seem like a bad choice.

King of the assholes

2007-11-15T19:32:41Z

My God, I'm so tired. My head is swimming. I feel like I've been drugged, which is an impossibility. What is going on with my head? Blah.

On the plus side.... I think that maybe, just maybe, things will be alright. I never thought I'd say it, but I wish the bus ride was longer. Give me three more hours... Please?

Stupid emotions, always running amok.

I can choose to be alone.

2007-10-29T02:48:16Z

Love really sucks.

matty_mo @ 2007-10-14T01:40:00

2007-10-14T04:41:36Z

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No,no,no.

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git.

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind

matty_mo @ 2007-09-15T03:08:00

2007-09-15T06:13:55Z

I want someone who confuses me.
I want someone who never needs to explain his/herself.
I want to be left guessing.

I'm dreaming of someone who doesn't exist. Someone who smokes cigarettes, and never says why. Someone who quotes poetry and never really explains it to me. Someone who's eccentric, and I never know where the energy's coming from. Someone who leaves me at random to do God knows what, and never tell me later. A brief connection, for a few moments a day, every day.

I want someone I can fall in love with, and never even come close to figuring out.

University is a good time.

2007-09-09T05:49:11Z

There's not really much to say aside from that.

Hmmm.... Well, maybe I will elaborate. I love my classes. Intro to acting is one of the greatest choices I could've made this year.

I was involved in a gunfight on a roof. How exciting!

I love dancing like an idiot until I'm hot and sweaty and don't know what to do with myself.

I'm really settled in here, this is the nicest bedroom have had, ever. Hands down! I have a vanity! I'm not even that into looking good!

Paul is in the next room over, and he is making whoopee. It's awkward.

I think this year is going to be really polarized. It could be either really terrific, or really awful. We'll see where it goes from here. Hopefully on the

positive side.

I met a german boy named Raphael, and we talked about politics. He seemed sad, which almost made him more interesting. The world is a

sad, sad place these days, from what I've gathered.

OH NOE! INTERNET EMOES!

2007-08-26T02:23:29Z

So I think I'm really going to miss my job. Everyone is here for the summer, and for the past few days, everyone's been leaving. It is so sad. Stefanie yesterday, Brian today, me, Mark, and someone else tomorrow.

At the Lord Nelson, it's apparently a tradition to "pie" someone on his or her last night. Stefanie got it, and Brian got it. These pies are not delicious. They are (in Stef's case), week and a half old seafood casserole, blended in with some compost remnants, cranberries, whipped cream, and lots of old milk. Brian had a delightful concoction of beer, anchovies, onions, cream, and other disgusting ingredients. (It looked like salad dressing in some places). It's disgusting, filthy, rancid, and incredibly sweet. It's so strange to see a girl, coated in rotten food, crying. Not because her clothes or her hair are ruined, but because it means it really is goodbye to these people. I'm going to miss this.

On the plus side, everyone is coming back during Christmas, and apparently it's nothing but parties and alchie good times. That = rad tips.

matty_mo @ 2007-08-16T15:58:00

2007-08-16T19:01:54Z

LET'S TALK ABOUT MOVIES BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

I just watched two really neat documentaries lately, one about the MPAA, and their zany, secretive methods of rating films, which are also incredibly hypocritical. The other was about the word fuck. It was awesome.

Watch Shortbus. It's a movie that's too good to be true, but it exists anyway.

TWO MOVIES I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO SEE.

SUPERBAD: Need I say anything?

BE KIND REWIND: My God, watch the trailer. Michel Gondry rocks, and so does Mos Def. Even Jack Black occasionally rocks my socks, and he will in this. I CAN FEEL IT.

DAN IN REAL LIFE: Steve Carrell being hilarious and smart like he should be doing, and not fucking his career up the bum with EVAN ALMIGHTY.

Oh, and just because I'm a robosexual, here's another video, with a better view of sweet glowing suits.

matty_mo @ 2007-08-15T00:21:00

2007-08-15T03:21:28Z

Oh, and this. THEY GLOW.

Hey hey hey.

2007-08-15T03:09:26Z

So, yeah. I came back. From this.

I can't wait for SUPERBAD, and here's why:

2007-08-04T03:48:26Z

Something I found. Sap ensues.

2007-07-31T02:35:56Z

At the materialistic age of young childhood, any opportunity to acquire some sort of gift is welcome. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, all provided excellent chances at personal gain, particularly with a generous grandparent, most typically grandmothers. So the prospect of having a third grandma is one of the most appealing and beneficial things to a young boy.

Anna-May was my third grandmother.

Living on the hill adjacent to my house, Anna-May would often be seen tending to some sort of laundry, draped over the clothes line. She and my mother would usually engage in small talk, and eventually, should I be around, she would offer me some sort of sweet. Pirate peanut butter cookies, wafers, and Crispy Crunch candy bars. These confections grew to be a staple in my three year old body's diet.

As she and my mother grew more accustomed to each other's presence, my independent trips to Anna-May's house became less nerve-wracking, and almost acceptable for my parents. Soon I would find myself running up the hill peppered with dandelions all by my lonesome, fueled by a sweet-tooth and a longing for pseudo-parental attention. This routine continued for two years, until I began school.

Alpha Bailey Elementary School had begun to interrupt my daily snacking and conversations. I would still visit on weekends, though it didn't feel entirely the same.

Then came the news that we were moving after the Christmas break.

Upon hearing the news, the first person I felt the need to tell was Anna-May. This sweet seventy something woman had become my best friend, and I did not want to go.

Even if it were only the other side of town, I knew it meant I wouldn't be able to see her nearly as frequently as I desired. No more chocolate, no more cookies, no more instant communication. Things were about to become far more complicated than a five year old could handle.

Grades primary through grade one went by, and my visits had become far less frequent, though not over completely.

As grade one ended, news came of another move. My mother had received a new job in Halifax, and a two hour commute to work was out of the question. So we packed up all our things and traveled to a small apartment in Dartmouth, and all of us attempted to start something new in this much larger, more intimidating town. With all our family on my father's side still in New Glascow, monthly visits

to every aunt and uncle became routine. Whenever I had the opportunity, I would also try to visit friends from school. On one trip, however, I felt the need to visit someone else.

She had seemed different during my visit. All the subtle changes that come with a few years of aging had become incredibly apparent to me, and it seemed she had even carried herself differently. Her vision had begun to

fade, and she usually had a helper around the house during the day. The cookies were there, still, though they tasted stale and aged.

Another year had passed before another urge to visit my once closest friend had emerged. On our next trip to New Glascow, I begged my parents to just stop in, if only for a minute. Dad had just kept dancing around the idea, and never really given a reason not to.

Sympathy had finally given way to annoyance, and Mom just told me. "Honey, Anna-May passed away in the spring."

I'm not sure if I was able to identify grief at that age, but this moment in the car had spawned an emotion that was not familiar to me whatsoever. My third grandmother was gone, and I had no idea until almost ten months afterward. No more cookies, no more chocolate.

Though candy and other confections were offered, now I realize it was for so many other reasons that I considered her to be one of the sweetest ladies I'd known.

Things I want to do.

2007-07-28T05:01:45Z

I want to go to the beach and sit before a fire and play guitar and sing and swim under the moon.

I want to make a new friend, and listen to everything he/she has to say.

I want to live out a cliche or two.

I want to live out an adventure, and keep it a secret until it's all over.

I'm looking at you, Bob Saget.

2007-07-27T02:27:14Z

    So, with life dealing me the "get your wisdom teeth out, and suffer from strange painful, almost crippling surges to your brain" card, I've spent a bit of time on the old couch/bed, keeping strange hours, and sleeping in thirty minute incriments. It hasn't been the best of experiences, especially when your head hurts so much you can barely focus on anything for almost a day. Yuck!

    So while laying down, heavily sedated, I found myself watching some strange gameshow, called ONE VERSUS ONE HUNDRED. Oooh, sounds challenging, and possibly exciting, yes? I thought so as well.
    In concept, this show was interesting, I suppose. One person is answering multiple choice questions, along with 100 people sitting on a big, glowing structure! For every person in the 100 that gets the question wrong, you get a set amount of dollars. Yay! Anywho, it's a big payoff if you are awesome and know lame pop culture trivia. One million smackeroos.

    My problem with this show, however, is those ridiculously fucking long pauses with stupid bass lines and synth noises added for suspense. Every time someone answers a question, no matter how confident he or she is, there is like, a twenty second pause. Just dead silence, save for some lame music. I thought dead air was a bad thing? Fuck you Bob Saget, Howie Mandell, Regis Philbin, and whoever else has those stupid-ass pauses inserted into his lame gameshow for dramatic purposes. BAH!

    Also, I never thought I'd say it, but Brandon Flowers looks good with a moustache. Look up The Killers music video for "Bones". Cool tapes. It's just a rad music video. Ray Harryhausen animation, directed by Tim Burton, and featuring Miho from Sin City. Very cool.

Hooray for escapism!

2007-07-24T18:51:36Z

So, since I'm still completely Potterghasted, and I like to pretend reality is more interesting than it actually is, I thought I would do something fun! I'm going to list all the people in my life whose names make them sound like they could be potential characters in the Potterverse.

Tristram Reevesrood: A curly haired redhead, who also happens to be a glutton. A friend of Colin Greenwood.

Colin Greenwood: A rebelious, charming, yet absent-minded young man, constantly looking to ruffle feathers of some sort, and always in search of adventure.

Amy Benson: She died, haha. Not in real life, but, you know.

Professor Cordula Quint: A heavily accented drama professor, who seems to be extremely dim-witted. Is it possible, however, that there is more to her than initially assumed so by the students?

Professor Tamara Small: A stern, authoritative professor. She seems extremely down to business, and very few students know more about her oustide the classroom.

Trinner & Taigue: Two friends of mine. Both are incredibly cheerful, and always have bizarre stories to share with me, and I admire them for their experiences as well as their personalities.

The Gribbon Family: My own personal Weasley family, living next door! The family consists of Rosemary, (Mother) Thomas, (Father) and children Sandy, Column, Catherine, Ruth, and Claire. All are heavily attached and proud of/to their Irish culture, and often return to the emerald isle.

Katharine Vingoe-Cram: I love her name, I love her eccentricity, and she is the closest person to Luna Lovegood I have met so far. Always happy, as if she's looking above every situation.

There must be more Potterverse worthy characters in my life, just give me time to think of them.

matty_mo @ 2007-07-24T01:09:00

2007-07-24T04:10:05Z

I finished the final Harry Potter book. I loved it.

What now?